I looked at my own cervix.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
