i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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