Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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