He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
