he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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