Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
