i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
