im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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