you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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