I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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