I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
