Sacagawea was the original milf.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
