sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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