Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
