Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
