All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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