There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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