oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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