Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
