I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
