They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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