I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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