did you get engaged???
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize