I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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