On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
