If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
