I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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