just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
