This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
