dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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