He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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