i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
