dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
