Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
