she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am naked and annoyed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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