seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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