Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize