whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
