Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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