i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm too high and old for this...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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