Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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