They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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