He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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