The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
