I wish my penis had an off switch
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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