It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
