I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
