i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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