Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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