Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
