He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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