My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
