I looked at my own cervix.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
