I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
