fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
