well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
