If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
