found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
