i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Acid is not a monday night drug
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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