Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
