Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
