high people should be assigned attendants
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
