my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
