how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And then my night got REAL pukey
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
